Sandy-gram

[#1]

Are You a Financially Compatible Couple?

See how you and your spouse or future spouse rate when it comes to a financial fit. Take this quick quiz (answer each question "yes" or "no").

1. Are you aware of and comfortable with your spouse's money personality? (Y/N)
2. Have you discussed your short- and long-term financial goals? (Y/N)
3. Are you and your spouse well versed in personal finance? (Y/N)
4. Have you decided how to divide up money-management tasks? (Y/N)
5. Do you both understand the importance of establishing a realistic budget? (Y/N)
6. Do you know your spouse's investment personality and risk tolerance? (Y/N)
7. Have you made a commitment to discuss money regularly? (Y/N)

How Did You Answer?

6+ Yes Answers: Start humming We're In the Money! You are well on your way to a stable financial future together. But don't stop communicating and working together.

3-5 Yes Answers: If you answered "yes" to between five and seven of the statements, you have, as they say, "some issues." Financial compatibility is definitely within your reach, but it's going to require a bit more work.

0-2 Yes Answers: Uh-oh. If you answered yes to fewer than two questions, it's time to start talking to each other and possibly to an experienced financial planner and get your marriage on firm financial footing.

[#2]

Even before I try this quiz with my husband, I can tell where the issues will be.  I am risk averse by nature, and he is much more comfortable with risk.  As a result, he will experiment with a few stocks in ways I never would on my own.  But he's not foolish or self-destructive.  I think we balance each other out pretty well.  But we'll see if the results support this....

[#3]

if you take the quiz and find out you are financially incompatible then how do you find a good financial planner? wouldn't that take good communication skills?  and even if you do communicate well, how do you know who's good and who's not? is there an official ratings site for financial planners?

[#4]

Financial management differences factored into the reasons I ended up divorcing my first husband. He was very fiscally responsible, with a 401-K, smart investments, property, etc., and I just came into the marriage with no clue. What he saw as being careful, I saw as being controlling, and I didn't have the maturity to see that. On top of that, our communications skills with each other really stunk so we couldn't work out the differences. I wish it were required by law before being granted a marriage license that couples take compatibility tests in issues like financial management, communication styles, etc. and undergo counseling if necessary. It awes me (in a bad way) that one of the most important things we do in our lives (make a lifelong commitment), we go into with such ill preparedness!

[#5]

Petgirl is so right.  In an odd way, I think I raised every issue possible when my husband and I were dating. I don't think I was doing it consciously, but I really wanted to know how he felt about everything from movies to politics to music to religion.  And I do think it made a difference.  We don't agree on everything, but we do communicate well.  We don't let anything fester.  And we're still making discoveries about life and each other.  I still think men are from Mars, but at least I'm coming to understand Mars a little better...

[#6]

I know couples who keep all their bank accounts completely separate.  They split up the bills and put half in each person's name. Then that person is responsible for paying that bill.  I don't know what they do when it comes to cars or their house.  I guess they split those up, too.  My husband and I do the opposite.  We have joint checking and savings accounts.  The one thing that has saved us is the duplicate check.  It costs more than regular checks, but it means there are no surprises. If one of us buys something and forgets to add it to the register right away, we can go back and figure it out later.  I recommend them to everyone with joint accounts.  

[#7]

Well, the deed is done.  My husband and I took the test and came up with a "5." I don't think either of us knows what a "money personality" is (from question #1). But the rest was pretty much what I anticipated. Even though we're fairly savvy, I still think we would benefit from talking to a financial planner.

I wish someone would answer flannery's earlier question re: how you find a good financial planner who is trustworthy and experienced. We would benefit from this answer, too.

[#8]

How do the duplicate checks work? That sounds great. We merge all our funds and pay bills together. Well, usually I pay the bills since I work out of home and have more opportunity to get to them, but we pretty much agree on priorities. Still, there have been a couple of times when he paid something I'd already paid or vice versa. Oops.

[#9]

The duplicate checks actually use carbons so that when you write your check, it leaves a copy behind. This way you will always know who wrote what and when. You just have to remember to put a slip of paper (or an extra deposit slip) between the carbon and the next check. This will prevent you from writing over the same carbon. I hope this makes sense. It's a lot easier when you see them.

[#10]

I like petgirl's suggestion that people take compatability tests or go through some sort of counseling or training to be allowed to get married. When I was younger, it was the parish priest's responsibility to make sure that couple knew what they were getting into. But really, he was just making sure they were going to stay faithful to the church. No questions about what their views were on money, or child-rearing or anything. And these days I see so many young people jump into marriage as if it's something disposable that they can throw away if the fit turns out to not be flattering. I've gotten into debates with friends as to whether humans are inherently monogamous, like hawks or wolves, or whether we're more wired to be polygamous to keep the species going? lol What do you think?

[#11]

this would be an interesting question to ask of people from different cultures and regions...apparently in france there appears to be a greater tolerance for having mistresses (does that qualify as polygamy?)...while in america this may happen frequently but it is certainly frowned upon....how can we distinguish between what we're wired for and what society tells us is right?  speaking for myself, i would have a hard time sharing my husband with another...it would create jealousy and insecurity...but is that because i am wired that way or because i have been brought up to believe that a marriage should ideally be of kindred spirits who commit themselves solely to each other....this doesn't mean i think there is only one soulmate in the world for each of us...i've seen too many people who finally met their soulmate after several disastrous marriages or even after the death of a spouse...what a complicated issue! gardengirl and others...what do you think?

[#12]

And is it different for women and for men?  Men love to quote the evolutionary biological imperative for men to "spread their seed" to multiple mates to ensure that their genetic material survives -- but there is also the theory that men who stayed with their mates until the children were grown and reproduced themselves, protecting and providing for them, were more likely to see their DNA passed on.  Hard to say if it is nature or nurture -- like most things, I think it's a combination. 

[#13]

I wasn't thinking so much of polygamy, but of serial monogamy, I suppose. Especially when people marry young. I know we would all like to believe that we'll be with our spouses 'til death do us part, but how realistic is that? We grow and change so dramatically from our twenties on, that it seems to me that a couple who gets together early in their lives have to have a tremendous amount of positive communication so they don't grow apart as they change. And how likely is that given that most of us in our twenties don't have the maturity or the skills to do that? I think back on what an immature kid I was in so many ways in my twenties and think about the relationships I was in at the time. Yikes on the probability that any one of them would have lasted. lol

[#14]

But there are some exceptions to the rule. We have two sets of good family friends who met each other in elementary school, stayed in touch or dated in college, and then married and are still married in their sixties. I find that incredibly heartening even if it doesn't happen for the vast majority.  But I agree that most people who get married young do a lot of changing, and often don't change symbiotically. 

[#15]

I don't think long term monogamy is really desirable. I mean, yes, people do stay married for decades but are they really happy? Or is it like having some old soft leather hobo bag that is worn in and useful because you've had it, like, forevah, and so you just don't want to risk giving it up for, say, the new Marc Jacobs which is expensive and what if it doesn't match your every mood? And then a fabulous Prada comes along and it is just so you, it is the inner core of your very being and you love it. But you've spent all your money on the Marc Jacobs. Then what? Scary!

[#16]

I think it's safe to say that if one views marriage with the same perception as the purchase of new handbags, it's probably not a good idea to actually make any commitments. But in that line of thought, for those of you with spouses, what do you think? Is your mate a Marc Jacobs or a Prada or what? I think mine's a good-looking but rugged moss-green canvas messenger bag from the early days of Banana Republic before they got all trendy, back when you could go in there and find stuff that actually looked useable on safari, and they played jungle music and the dressing rooms had straw doors. Anyone remember those days?  In any case, my "spouse" is utilitarian, ruggedly handsome, sexy in an adventurous way and can fit a lot in his pockets. lol

[#17]

My husband is like Mary Poppins' famous satchel. He's pragmatic and endlessly useful, but also filled with surprises and capable of meeting the needs of any occasion. He keeps me guessing and is almost magical at times. The only problem with this analogy is that he is handsome and I don't believe her satchel was remotely good-looking.